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Suffering for Endurance that Develops Character

chronic illness overwhelm spoonies struggle suffering

I never felt like I was failing at motherhood until my third pregnancy was followed by a debilitating chronic illness the same year my husband spent his career traveling, leaving me to solo-parent all three of our kids.

ALL I DID WAS LIE IN BED AND WATCH THE ROOM SPIN DREADING THE MOMENT ONE OF THE SMALL VOICES WOULD CALL OUT TO ME-- BECAUSE I COULDN’T COME, EVEN IF I TRIED. MY HOUSE FELL TO PIECES. BELIEVING IT WOULD END “ANY DAY NOW”, WE MADE THE BEST OF IT.

And really that just meant that I accepted my struggle as my reality...something I could not change.

 
After 5 months I finally saw a fork in the road:
 
Continue barely surviving and enduring tremendous guilt over all the moments I was missing.

Or

Do something!
 

EVERYTHING CHANGED THE DAY I CHOSE TO DO SOMETHING…


I was declared “recovered” because I could stand up and move around. I could see straight enough to leave the house but not quite well enough to drive. One day, a woman, not yet a mom, came by my house for her produce delivery and she said- "how do you do it all with this condition you have?"

And another, a mom this time, said, "You know, God is trying to get your attention. You need to listen!"
 
And she was right. All the years I had been listening and serving moms in my community. I got asked all the time, "How do you do it all and won’t you show me how?" And I did. So what was I missing this time?
 
But at that moment, all I felt was cheated and angry.
 
So I took pen to paper (and by that, I mean, I wrote a blog.) I set it all out for moms to see. This is what it takes for me to “do it all.” And I addressed it to them all - the “wannabe SuperMoms”.
 
I’ll admit, my heart wasn’t right when I shared it all that night but what came next was surely part of God's plan...



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